05 June 2014

dear kate middleton aka the duchess of derriere

So when this happened on the Canada tour I thought...


..."oh, the poor dear. She's so new at this royal thing...surely someone from the palace will take her aside and school her on undergarments...maybe a little chat about fabric and what happens to full skirts on a windy day."

And then this happened, and I thought...


"You know...when women are pregnant, they're a little absent minded. She was probably doing good just to get dressed without throwing up all over herself."

And then...this.


...and this...


not just once...but twice during the Australia tour.

Now, I'm not the smartest person in the world, but it does not take hiring a 'butt nanny' to figure this thing out. The New York Daily News reported "Kate Middleton has hired someone to watch her bottom, prevent overexposure...to stop photos of her rear getting leaked, the Duchess of Cambridge will now have a female helper to ensure paparazzi mind their manners." That is hands down one of the dumbest things I think I've ever heard. As if it's the paparazzi's fault that she's not wearing suitable clothing and undergarments. Good grief. I realize that she has alot of public appearances, but c'mon. This has happened a few too many times for it to be anyone's fault but Kate and whoever is giving her fashion advice. Don't get me wrong. I love Kate Middleton. I want nothing but the best for her...that and just a small bauble from the royal vault to tell her what you're going to get for free.

er hum...ready? Kate? Write this down...

Number one...it's called a slip. Get one in every color and wear them if you're out in public in a dress.

Number two...have you ever seen a pencil skirt or a sheath dress get caught by the wind and fly up over someone's head? The answer is no. Why? Because it can't. This entire butt debaucle could be avoided if you would stop wearing full skirts...especially full skirts made of light weight fabric that can double as a mainsail on a schooner with one good gust.

Number three...you don't need a booty maid, you need a box fan. Turn the knob to high, stand in front of it and bend over. If you end up mooning the palace staff, then you might want to reconsider what you're wearing.

I took it upon myself to provide some visuals. Trust me, I'm not going to blow sunshine up your you know what. Miss Bea

You can stand on your head in this...it's goin' nowhere.

This Dolce & Gabbana dress combines the best of both worlds.
The body of the dress is form fitting and the bottom is fuller.
If the wind kicks up, the trumpet hemline is only going so far.
And that's way below the booty line.

This dress has pleating to accomodate an expanding tummy,
but the casual pencil skirt silhouette will behave even if the wind doesn't.


25 March 2014

SQUEEEEEEEE!!!

I love vintage clothing. I love looking at it...I love feeling the fabrics...I love looking at the impeccable workmanship...I love thinking about who wore it and where they were going.

...sigh...

I've tried on vintage clothing, but boy oh boy...those women were so June Cleaver-esque...with petite frames and teensy tiny waists. As a child, I remember my cousin and I trying to find something to do while our family was vacationing at my grandmother's house. Grandma was an excellent seamstress and had created several prom dresses for my aunt...circa 1950's. The pastel tulle and satin dresses were crammed in an upstairs closet of their hot stuffy farmhouse. Even then, with our pre-pubescent figures, we'd huff and puff to squeeze into those dresses and put to the test every double stitched seam and metal zipper.

All that to say, I ran across a lovely vintage clothing store in Michigan called Dear Golden. They also have an Etsy shop that I spent an hour or so just looking at the gorgeous pieces. Here are a few for you to oooo and ahhh over. Enjoy the stroll down memory lane. They don't design or make them like this anymore, Miss Bea